On How It Was Supposed To Be & Thereafter

Well, it's been freakin' 27 years and the way I reckon it should be hasn't happened. The way I thought it worked was, you grow up, you make friends and then one day, some really nice, decent, intelligent person bumps into you on a street and you realise that your whole life led up to him anyway. He'd get you, you'd get him, you'd have fun together, and one day, he'd ask you to marry him. 

 

You buy a house, you have children with him and your life would entail seeing your children grow up, making sure they become good people, having a laugh with him and growing old together. You'd start bickering and fighting of course, you'd even resent him sometimes and need your time outs from each other...you'd seek comfort in your work and your friends. But at the end of the day, you and he have built a home together, the two of you would be what your children see as 'home'. At the end of the day, you'd see him through to the end and so will he. That's how it's supposed to be. It's how I've been raised to believe it will be.

You're supposed to have one big love. Well, at least, I am. And I'm supposed to have met him by now. It was in the plan. I was supposed to know when I met him.

But then I met you. And you were kind and decent, smart, you made me laugh and, you were my friend. And I thought, this would be easy...if I knew, then you'd know too. We'd know that our lives led up to one another. We were supposed to fall in love. Have a laugh together. And one day, you would've married me and there was this bright beautiful future that we were supposed to have together. Yeah, that would've been nice.

Anyway, you didn't love me back. You couldn't. Why? Your life didn't lead you up to me. It wasn't fated. It was simple. How I knew was that when you looked into my eyes, you looked past me. At someone else, who would be waiting for you. You didn't love me. It was simple and cruel of course. How could the person I was meant to be with not love me?  I wasn't prepared for that. It was supposed to be easy.

So what now? It's been awhile...I ran away when I knew fate had dealt me a cruel hand. My gripe is, I didn't even believe in The One. I thought there'd be a few...THREE at least! But since you, I've been waiting around. I've been waiting for someone whom my life really led up to. But yet another night of waiting around ensues and I've lost what little hope I had left in me to keep waiting. So I don't hope anymore. And I try not to be bitter because of you. I try to imagine you happy and I try to be the bigger person to be happy for you. And sometimes, when I hear or see you laugh, I genuinely can be happy for you.

And to answer the question of how you get over the one person whom you thought would finally make you whole? Well, you don't really. You never really get over that person. But what you can do is move past them. There's a sort of joyous numb you feel when you wake up one day and they aren't the first thing you think about. It takes time of course, it takes other people too. People who act as distractions. People who make you happy in other ways. A pet maybe.A dog you love so unconditionally and irrevocably because she loves you unquestionably and makes you laugh again.

You work toward becoming the person you want to be. You travel and you watch the way the world works. You wish happiness on others. You live out of yourself because the person inside has been so sad it's best if you kept her away for awhile. But you live. You be free. You start to breath again. And after awhile, you're sort of okay.

But that's just me. I've stopped waiting. He will come if he's meant to come along...that next person. And if not, I think it's okay to be the way that I am. I am less whole, less hopeful, less of what I thought I would be, but I am also here. And that's something you know, that I'm still here.

Matchmaking the Mommy Way

Desperate times call for desperate measures. In the news recently, I was alerted to a desperate mother who in an attempt to marry her single son off, has created a website especially to find a suitable mate for her beloved offspring.

Read about it HERE

All I can say is, Kudos to the dude for letting his Mom handle his singledom so amicably. It got me thinking about whether it's about time all of us go to Mummy dearest for a bit of help. If you think about it, mothers are probably the best people to help you out of your single situation.

Why we should consider Mama Mia to help us get hitched:

1>>Moms know what's best for you even when you don't know it yourself.


2>>Mothers are usually spot on and are hardly ever wrong.


3>>Mothers know you inside out and can probably gauge the best person for you.


4>> Moms are uncannily good judges of character.


5>>Moms can tell the bad seeds to fuck off. 

I read this true story about this man whose Mom wanted him to get married and asked him "So what kind of girl are you looking for?"...The man was watching TV and a popular actress was on screen, so he casually pointed at the TV and said "Someone like her would be good." So the Mom nodded and went off. A few days later, the Mom told the son, "I've set you up on a blind date, you must go." So the man went on the blind date and when he reached the restaurant, what did he find? The very same actress he'd pointed at sitting at the table. The Mom had actually set him up with the actress herself, not some chick who looked or acted like her. And what happened? He ended up proposing to the actress after just a couple of months of dating and they've been happily married for the last 15 years.

Moral of the story: When your Mom asks you what sort of partner you're looking for, make sure someone good is on TV.

Poh-Dah!

I learned a new fantastic Indian term the other day while negotiating traffic with some fabulous Indian women...

'Poh-dah!'  - which basically means, 'WTF? GET LOST!'

It's such an awesome term. Especially...well, when men use THIS (see image below) to hit on you:

I've heard of creative pick ups but when you write "Wanna go for a date, I am single, shy (so the note)....if so, if you're keen (phone number)"...on a crumpled napkin, and then stand in front of your 'victim' while reciting your entire dating CV which includes the line "Do you like sweet things? Coz I'm a pastry chef"...it's time to say....
You got it...

Poh-Dah! 

For the Desert Princess

From today onwards, I will be losing yet another fellow single girl. There is need though, to rejoice this fact, for today, my very beautiful and brave friend will be getting married.

Although it kills me that I can't be there in person, I take comfort in the fact that at the very least I can dedicate a post to her.

For her I want to wish all the love and happiness in the world. I can think of no one better to deserve all this.

And I also want to say this to you, whoever or wherever you are, the reader...if you're single and losing hope, then it is very important that you know this...you should never stop believing that you deserve love.

Because here is one of my best friends, who is getting married not the first, but for the second time. If you asked me, it is because she never really stopped believing in the happiness that she deserved. She is not afraid of taking the leap...toward commitment, toward faith and toward love. For this, I stand in full admiration of her.

From her I have learnt that love is something that comes to you, only if you truly believe that you deserve it. From her I have also learnt that Love will come to you if you love yourself. My dear friend, who has seen me through my single years has always been the first person to encourage me toward looking for and accepting love. I am thankful I have, after all these sad attempts, someone who still believes so greatly that I deserve this great love that I don't always believe I will ever find. Through her finding it, perhaps, my faith grows.

So tonight, as this fabulous friend gets married (again!) I want to congratulate her for being so brave and for believing and teaching me to believe too. I wish her happiness, I wish her prosperity, I wish her passion, I wish her contentment and above all, I wish for her all the intense, great, insatiable love that she really, truly deserves.