Massaasshh For You?

Whoever said that money doesn't buy love obviously hasn't stepped foot in South East Asia. 

Anyway, if you're still looking for a man who's got the Gs, here's a run down of things to look out for in a few Asian hunting grounds. 

Singapore: This is the city that gave birth to the SPG (Sarong Party Girls). For men, Singapore is where you should go if you're a) white b) rich and c) into skinny Asian chicks. In Singapore the prevailing sentiment is that expats are the shiny thing at the end of the dark tunnel as local Singaporean men are thought to be losers. So girls, listen up, unless you're an expat yourself, you don't stand a chance of competing with the gazillion other chicks here who want to hook themselves a foreign, rich, handsome man. 

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia: Men here are basically ugly. Saying that, they know that money may just be the only thing that they've got going for them. So if you're looking for a rich, beautiful man to hook up with in Kuala Lumpur, you're in competition with well, the entire single female population. However, if looks aren't really your thing, and you're an attractive woman, this may just be the city du jour to snare yourself a rich man.

Bangkok, Thailand: Unfortunately, this is a city where sex is literally up for sale anywhere you look. The prevailing logic here is that sex could lead to love. Offer enough sex and someone will get hooked enough to take you up for the long term. Ladies, beware of making this your hunting ground... gorgeous as Thai men may be, this may be the only city where they're also your main competition. LadyBoys are very aggressive! 

Jakarta, Indonesia: Well now, Indonesia may have thousands of islands to choose from but remember, Indon men are generally lazy. Which make the women twice as more hardworking than you are. I have heard stories where Indon women are willing to literally wait hand and foot on men just to have the men treat them to dinner. If you've got the metal to do whatever it takes whatever the circumstances to snare a man with the Gs, this is the city for you! 

Kimchii Ramen

I've found reason to look East when looking for a husband. Next stop: Seoul, Korea. 

Five reasons why Kimchii should be your new favourite food...

Top to Bottom: Daniel Henney, Dennis Oh, Kim Sung Soo, Rain, Oh Ji-Ho

In The Sky With Diamonds

One of the reasons I started this blog was to remind myself, and others like yourself, that maybe being single isn't so bad. Saying that, I would still like the picket fence and that whole soulmate thing, if it's there for the taking. Unfortunately, with prospects looking bleak, that isn't much of an option at the moment.

In all seriousness, due to the sudden realisation of how old I am getting, I've started wondering about what I would settle for in a bid to not be alone for the rest of my life.

And the answer is this: I wouldn't.

People in all shapes and sizes have encouraged me, at the start of this year to be open to options. "Don't be the stuck up closed off weirdo you always are, Happsgirl...", "Give people a chance Happsgirl." "Please stop having all these high expectations, Happsgirl"...
and I tried...I really did. I started exploring my options. I even tried to give up my crushes in a bid to be open to new prospects. I went to a fortune teller. I started wondering about existing male acquaintances...I questioned myself and what I would want a LOT.

Then it hit me one night while I was reading a magazine and stumbled across a picture I couldn't tear my eyes away from. It was this incredibly normal looking man who painted flowers...and he seemed like the most beautiful thing I've ever come across. What I realised is this:

I'd rather be alone than end up settling on my dreams.

I don't want just anybody. I've made it thus far alright living and being alone. If I can't have what I want, I don't want anything (or anybody) at all.
Call me an idiot but I believe in that one time violent thing that happens to you. I believe in Fate and Serendipity. I believe that Love is supposed to come along and sweep you away. I believe in a beautiful boy who may save me. I believe in someone who will see me completely. I believe in a fantasy.

And people used to be able to say, "Oh, that will never happen...He doesn't exist...You're dreaming of a character"...
And I used to believe them. I used to think that someone who blurred the lines between fantasy and reality didn't exist.

But then I met him.
And sure, he wasn't everything I conjured up in my fantasies. But he was beautiful. And meeting him was sheer chance. And for a splendid moment there, he saw me.

I knew that if he could exist, so could all my other ideals of Love.

So I think I'll pass. Pass on the people who aren't meant for me. Pass on all the people who just
'aren't'. They aren't what I want. It's as simple as.
And if I have to settle for what I don't want, I think I would be happier having nothing.

Bad Honey Orange Mocha Frap

Update:

- Pseudo-Crush is no longer a pseudo-crush. Seeing as, he turned out to be, oh, just as VAPID as someone who drives a ******* and calls himself **** ***** and who only dates models can be. 

- My gay husband refuses to go on a date with me. So my status as Hag No.1 is quickly diminishing...

- Ridic has been spotted working out at the gym near my house. Hallelujah! I am not signed up to that gym. Booyah :(

- A male friend told me I'm exactly the kind of girl guys are looking for. Score! But as for himself, he wouldn't date me. Huh?

- Men in general are being super rude to me. 

In conclusion...as of January 2010, men are all idiots. 

Year of the Gentleman

The lack of true gentlemen in our vicinity has really put a downer on the hope that maybe one day a Prince Charming might come along to sweep us off our feet. 

Seeing as I have recently been in the presence of the ULTIMATE gentleman, Mr. Ne-Yo himself, it got me thinking about all the right things men should do to keep women interested and happy around them. 

- Appreciate our presence. (Just like Ne-Yo regrets leaving his baby girl in the song Fade Into The Background)

- Don't take us for granted. (Ne-Yo makes a list of all the things he took for granted and makes it Part Of The List)

- Don't be rude to us. (Ne-Yo is so polite he offers to be our boyfriend in Single) 

- Always offer to help. (When you're sad, Ne-Yo offers to take you out for calamari, and asks the sun to stop shining So You Can Cry)

- Pick up the tab once in awhile. (Again, chocolicious Ne-Yo appreciates that a woman can be a Ms. Independent and pay her bills but he can look after her too)

We (my FSGs and I) have decided that since we started off 2010 by witnessing this choco-gentle-man  that 2010 should really be The Year Of The Gentleman. So let's clasp our hands in prayer and hope that this year will bring us fewer assholes more gentle, kind, worthy men. 

Flowers For Me?

The problem with having no good candidates in your life is that you start fantasising about the kind of men that you want. 

Unfortunately, the two men I've started fantasising about are:

1) Brandon Flowers

Problems: He's married. He's a Mormon. He's the frontman of The Killers. He's like super famous. And oh, Bally has called dibs on him ages ago. Tricky, tricky.

But I once wrote him a letter when he was still single and not so famous. Maybe I should send it.

2) Flower-painting Guy

Problems: I only discovered him last night. I've only seen half his face (the pic in the magazine was only side profile :( ). He lives in New York. He is most probably gay. Sniff Sniff. 

Maybe I should send him a letter too. His website has a contact sheet. Yay. 

Look Toward The East

So anyway...I've been told...by a pretty reliable (and expensive) source that if I was going to have any success with finding a husband, I have to look East.
My list of places to search for potential husbands:

China
Hong Kong
Japan
Taiwan
Middle East

I'm so screwed.

Foot in Mouth

let’s say you’ve met a man who you like. and he’s asked for your phone number. you feel warm and fuzzy inside and almost burst when he calls you to ask you out.

when preparing for your date, you feel the excitement and anticipation coursing through your bones. you meet him and he takes you for a nice dinner. over dinner, the both of you engage in conversation.

when the date ends, you feel a stab of disappointment that such potential fizzled out as quickly as it started.

was it because he said any one of these things?

- i usually don’t date girls who look like you. did you know my ex used to be a model? she was in FHM before.

- i hope none of my friends see us here.

- my parents? i don’t really know. haven’t seen them in over three years cos i'm too busy with work and playing WoW.

- i really enjoyed this date, dawn. (but your name’s karen)

- wow, look at the tits on that waitress. c'mere baby! HONKA HONKA!

- so how’s your health lately? did i tell you i work part time as an insurance agent and my company has just introduced these new schemes that i think would be suitable for you.

- oh, you live in the same neighbourhood as me! what a coincidence! anyway, i enjoyed dinner tonight. let me walk you to the bus stop as it's on the way to my car.

- what are you doing for christmas? want to spend it together? (and it’s only july)

- oh dear, i seem to have left my wallet at home (says this while waiter is hovering with the bill)

- my wife and i aren’t divorced yet. we’re just going through a trial separation to see how it is living apart. if we do get divorced, i hope i get custody of our seven kids.

- huh? michael jackson’s dead? since when? i don't really keep up to date with the news.

- oh my god! i totally read the sweet valley series when i was a teenager too! my favourite character is ned wakefield! such a dreamboat!

- what did you eat again? including service charge and GST, you owe me $42.10. but it's okay, just pay me $42.

- is it raining? oh man, i don't want to get my new perm wet!

- i don't usually sleep with women on the first date but for you, i'll make an exception.

- yes, drinks sound like a nice idea. let me call my mom first to let her know cos i'll be staying out past my curfew

The 2010 Single Girl

From Craigslist:hot guy selling my underwear – 24 (albany)
I’m a 24 year old guy trying to make some extra cash selling my underwear or other items you’re into. E-mail and let me know what you want and what you want done to them.

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Ok, enough with the complaining and sad jokes for now...2010 is about the happy single girl. Be happy, be free and be open to options I say. 

In ode to the new year, here's a few things you need to keep in mind to be 2010's happy single girl...

>> Don't see in the year feeling lonely. (I don't want to hear of single girls seeing in the TwentyTen cooped up somewhere sad and alone. Go out, get some friends over, and see it in singing and laughing)

>> Don't think of being single as the new sad thing. Being single is cool and fresh and fun.

>> Keep a list of cheap thrills. (The holiday season is the best time to be at your flirtiest, cheap thrills will be abundant)

>> Don't think of the next year as another year you're slipping toward spinsterhood. Think of it as another year you're free from the shackles of wife/strife-dom.

>> When people ask you why you're still single...the new year's answer will be: 'Because 2010 is an Asexual year'. 

>> If people ask you when you're going to get married the new year's answer will be: "I'm waiting for 2012, let's see if the world ends before I get married eh?" 

We forget in our desperation to be thankful for what we have. And what exactly do we have? Well, for starters, we have a whole year ahead full of new hot men and more time to seek out those elusive great ones we keep harping on about. 

Subway Sandwich

I don't think I get signs of interest that men give me. I'm the sort of girl who is oblivious to all these mild flirtations. If you like me, please tell me straight. Don't try and give me strange signs and expect me to pick up on it. 

Example 1:

Boy brushes hair from off my face. (I think he's trying to pull one of my white hairs out)

Example 2:

Boy tells me to sleep on his duvet. (I neglect to comprehend it's an invitation to sleep underneath the duvet WITH him)

Example 3: 

Boy asks me to watch him change. (I think it's coz he wants my fabulous fashion advice)

Example 4:

Boy tries to inadvertently put arm round me. (I think it's coz he needs me to prop him up coz he's too drunk)

Example 5:

Boy tries to offer me a job when he has no money himself (I think he's trying to scam me)

Example 6:

Boy sends me topless photo of himself (I think he's asking me for work out tips).