Askew Me Please

Ever get that feeling of being SO DAMN FED UP with waiting for a nice bloke to just come up to you and ask you out? Here are some tried and tested ways to strike up a conversation with someone who has caught your attention.

1) 'Nice hair. You're straight, right?' (Caution: this has to be done with extreme flirty flair. Don't come across as a scary butch lesbian who may be into pretty boys. Make sure it looks like a compliment and not an insult).
If the boy answers 'No, does it make me look gay?' Follow up with something slightly insulting but flirty at the same time. If the boy answers 'Yeah, I am'...then follow up with something fag-haggy like 'Then darling, you have to give me the name of your stylist.'

2) 'Hi, you're hot. Do you wanna be in my photo shoot?' (Caution: Only do this if you have the credentials to back up your lie, or if you really DO want him to be in a photo shoot).

3) 'Our friends seem to be hitting it off. Shall we watch?' (Caution: Make sure your friend really is hitting it off with his friend. Also don't come across as a pervy ho trying to get in on some threesome action. More so, don't get so engrossed in watching you forget who you're concentrating on)

4) 'Scuse me, I don't know you' (Caution: This is best done at your own house party, or at least, at a house party where you can pretend to be the hostess...alternatively, if you've got enough panache, you can do this anywhere)

5) 'Me and my friend made a bet that you can't carry me' (Caution: Only do this with someone who looks like he can lift you like a feather. Please don't challenge someone who looks like he might have a hernia if you jumped into his arms)

6) Some loser is trying to hit on me. Can you pretend to be my boyfriend for awhile? (Caution: Please make sure he is NOT taken and available to play boyfriend duties...)

Have you tried an alternative pick up and it worked? Tell me about it! Us single girls could use all the tips we can get!!!