A Tranny or a Queen to Quell Your Crush

So ever since falling in love with the Perfect Man, I've completely neglected to blink or look at real men. This is not good. In an attempt to bring me out of the fantasy (whereby me and Perfect Man are married and sailing on the ocean) and back into reality (whereby the hottest man I've seen lately is on a Calvin Klein poster in a mall) I've decided to post a post to all the *real* and rather memorable crushes I've had in the past...

1st Crush: Bro's Friend (age: 13) (as in my age when I had the crush)
Reason for crush: He looked good in black and wire rimmed glasses.
Reasons for canceling crush: He turned out to be gay. (The fact my 1st ever crush was gay should've pre-empted me for things to come)

2nd Crush: Ryan Kim (age: 17)
Reason for crush: He was Korean and looked like he could grow up to be an architect.
Reasons for cancelling crush: His head was too small for his body, he turned out to be err, stupid.

3rd Crush: Nishan (age:17)
Reason for crush: He was hottest dude in college. His name was sexy. He had a really nice neck.
Reasons for cancelling crush: He left college. I couldn't stalk him. Last I heard, he married a friend's cousin and he's gone fat.

4th Crush: Chris (age:18)
Reason for crush: He had a nice voice. He had a nice face. He had a nice body. He had a nice everything. Plus he was nice to me.
Reasons for cancelling crush: He had REALLY bad taste in women (ie. not fancying me and fancying a girl who apparently *leaked* oil from her arse(TRUE STORY! ), and I became hotter and cooler (TRUE STORY TOO). 

5th Crush: Jamie Red Hair (age: 19)
Reason for crush: He had a really really cool dye job. His hair was jet black with striking red at the tips. He also wore an army parka and read literature. He reminded me of a vampire. I was really into Buffy at that point.
Reasons for cancelling crush: He disappeared. *POUT* One semester he was there, the next he wasn't. Maybe he *WAS* a vampire. :(

6th Crush: Mike USA (age:20)
Reason for crush: In a sea of stiff Brit boys, here was a tanned Californian who snowboarded. Also, he loved the 20th century American writers. He also made me laugh on a bus ride. *SCORE*
Reasons for cancelling crush: He went on to date an ugly looking hobag ho bitch. He went back to California and probably got some acne infested fat American girl pregnant. (I'm still bitter about this one, can u tell?)

7th Crush: Eddie Hall aka Paul Frank Beanie(age: 22)
Reason for crush: He used to hang around outside my room window wearing a lot of Paul Frank clothing. I really like the Paul Frank brand. He was hot because he wore Paul Frank. He also looked and sounded aristocratic.
Reasons for cancelling crush:  Saw him snogging the HOBAGS OF THE CENTURY who was also my dorm neighbour. He also disappeared.

8th Crush: Ridic (age: 23)
Reason for crush: He's a prince. He has a nice voice. He has *twat* factor.
Reason for cancelling crush: Found out he was a certified asshole.

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Word of advice: It is better to have a slut try and steal your crush than to have a tranny try and steal your crush. But worst of all is to have a slutty tranny get into competition with you. TRUE STORY.