Turn Your Head Now Baby

Repost from Potsie:

So apparently not all relationships start with a “will you be my girlfriend?” followed by a hug. How do you know its the starting point if no one pops the question? It’s important cos you’re supposed to get presents every anniversary. Personally, I prefer the type of relationship where you celebrate every month. More presents.

Here are some hints:

1) After the first kiss - Michelle Douglas (2007). His Christmas Angel. Chatswood Aus: Harlequin Mills & Boons

2) After falling into bed (cos they so lustful for each other) – Susan Donovan (2002). Knock Me Off My Feet. New York USA: St Martin’s Press

3) After reading stories to his grandmother - Julia Quinn (2006). It’s In His Kiss. Great Britain: Piatkus Books Ltd

4) After ‘accidentally’ putting his mouth on her boob cos there was a bee sting – Julia Quinn (2006). The Viscount Who Loved Me. Great Britain: Piatkus Books Ltd

‘Accidental’ senarios are good cos that way you can blame it on the accident and not your hiaoness therefore maintaining your sacredness and purity.

Glossary:

Hiaoness - Kegatalan / Horniness

I Hear You're Living Outta State

In fantasy:
You are tall, beautiful and slightly sad. You hold the universe in your hands. You can tell me stories that never end. You make me laugh just by being in the room. You walk hand in hand with me even in our dreams. You are a prince that has a pauper's wisdom. You have a crooked smile and messy hair. You can play the guitar. You like books that I like. You write letters to me in your head. You can dance with me in the moonlight. You make me feel safe. You are never late. You can talk me to sleep when I'm scared. You love only me, always have, always will. You are immortal as am I.

In reality:
You're a vampire character in a badly written book.
Oh poo.

Homemade Meat Balls

Repost from Potsie: 

when i was 5, i thought i’d grow up looking like barbie doll. cos my grandma said so. back then, i didn’t know grandma’s love could be so biased.

when i was 5, i had my first crush. i slow danced with that boy. he proceeded to put his hands into his shorts to scratch his butt. then placed it back on my shoulder.

when i was 13, i thought i’d marry jonathan taylor thomas. i thought we were truly MFEO. i’d memorize his biodata (source: tigerbeat magazine) and discovered we had the same passions. i’d do “are you what JTT is looking for??” quizzes and get all the right answers. my love knew no boundaries. i thought i’d move to US of A and marry him.

i’m now 27 and the day is exceptionally good if i get to pangsai twice. full load, mind you.

Glossary:

MFEO - Made For Each Other

pangsai - poop

The Importance of Poo

It occurred to me that no single woman can be a happy single woman if she does not have other single woman around her to bitch about being single with.

That said I am immensely thankful for the many many girls who have made being single actually look and feel quite cool.

Just a shout out really to name but a few...

Potsie - For understanding the importance of poo. And for demonstrating how big an elephant's dingaling actually is.

Pervy Piscean - For reminding me everytime she sticks her hand down some male model's jeans that being single 'feels' really good.

Kiaks - For showing me that you can make neurotic rants look sexy.

Ms. M & Ms. J - For making me feel like I'm not alone everyday.

Mili - For being the sort of single girl I want to be when I grow up.

But the not so single girls that I know are also worth a mention, they make me feel like I could never really be alone...

Desert Princess - For being the person I would marry had you been born a man. Why? Why? Can't I find a man like you?

Bally - For teaching me about the importance of juggling balls.

Prontip - For teaching me practically everything I know and for not succumbing to peer pressure and becoming my actual lesbo partner. Kaka.

Kachuak & Tek - For being the sort of girls I want to mould myself into because you're the marriageable types.

Married or Engaged

Things I thought I would be by the time I hit my late 20s:

1) Engaged

2) Married

3) Pregnant

4) Living in a big foreign city

5) Hotter

6) Thinner

7) Richer

8) Own a fabulous wardrobe

9) Broken many hearts

10) Be on the way to having a white picket fence 

Ye of Little Faith (part II)

See, you can't even rely on men to have a little faith in you...

UMF (Unsuspecting Male Friend) says:

What do I get outta the marriage?

Happsgirl says:

A good wife.

UMF says: 

my idea of a good wife is a lil different

Happsgirl says:
whats a good wife to u?

massage ur feet every day ah?

UMF - says:

ah i rather not be too explicit
might scare u off

Happsgirl says:

i can hire people to do that for u

if i get scared off

UMF - says:

adventurous, kinky, open-minded
all good

Happsgirl says:

is that what makes a good wife?

 my god

i should put that up on my dating profile

UMF - says:
no...that's just somethin to tag on with the conventional wife model

im just a dirty teenage boy

Happsgirl says:

how u know i meant the conventional wife model when i said good wife?

UMF - says:
i assumed
i dont know how kinky u are.

Happsgirl says:

u'll find out if u sign backup husband contract

UMF - says:

hmmm....can do an advance ?

Happsgirl says:

nope

its like a prenup

u only find out once u sign

UMF - says:

i rather a sample of things to come

don't wanna be scammed

Happsgirl says:

ye of little faith

UMF - says:

u don't wanna live up to your billing huh?

Happsgirl says:

i can live up to it

but i must have contractual agreement to my demands

UMF - says:

im just askin for a sample...not the whole deal

a taste of things to come and heck i'd sign a lifetime agreement

how does dat sound?

Happsgirl says:

Lifetime agreement? I don't want!

i want only a contractual marriage

 i dont wanna be married to u forever

UMF - says:

....
ok lo...since u wanna be such a hard sell

i'll think it over

Ye Of Little Faith

You can't rely on men for anything. Seriously. 

You can't rely on them to offer help when you need it most.

You can't rely on them to feel better about yourself.

You can't rely on them to hold doors open for you.

You can't rely on them to be polite.

You can't rely on them to marry you.

You can't rely on them to look after themselves for you.

Hmph. You can't even rely on them to be nice for you for oh, I don't know 5 seconds. 

But that's just me, over the last few days, I've noticed that all the men around me are either simply un-dependable. 

To The Boyzzzz

Over the last month, at least 5 men have come to me with a confession...

No, they weren't secretly madly in love with me. Boo.

But they do read this blog. Eek. 

I am having some trouble though, with the idea that men read this blog. It troubles me for these reasons:

#My personal brand of single girl neuroses is open to male judgement. 

#Men might think all women think this way. (i sincerely hope not)

#I am sealing my fate as a single girl as most of the men who have told me they read this blog are actually cute, eligible single men. (who may now be scared off)

# I wanted above all else, for this to be a place women came to commiserate and be entertained, and not BE the entertainment. 

Yah, but that said, I'm just happy anyone reads this at all. But please, if you ARE male and you have something to contribute to any of this, then by all means, give me a shout out. 

Oh you can also give me a shout out if you want to date me DESPITE this. (I am officially in panic mode). kaka. 

Why Younger Men Rock

I think I have successfully proven that younger men are the way forward. Thank you...goodnight. 

I'm going to be single forever

Well, it's official. I'm in panic mode.

Signs you're in panic mode:

1 - You start going through your Facebook friend's list and separate the single from the non-single male friends.

2 - You message your male friends relentlessly to get some attention.

3 - You suddenly realise your wardrobe has nothing that shows off your cleavage (no matter how non-existent it is)

4 - You've started writing letters to an assortment of hot celebrities again.

5 - You start to track down the exes who have disappeared. 

6 - You start to flirt back with men who repulse you.

7 - You contemplate lesbianism seriously.

8 - You badger a kind male friend into becoming your 'back up'. 

9 - You try to make 'spinster pacts' with your girlfriends.

10 - You can't sleep because you're up all night internet stalking potential dates.