Thursday, July 23, 2009

How To Stay Undercover

When you have a longstanding and embarrassing crush on someone, here are a few things to keep i mind should you want to preserve your air of mystery:

- When someone mentions they saw your crush somewhere, you don't say ' HE WAS THERE?" three times in succession, with your voice rising each time.

- You don't let anybody catch you browsing his Facebook page at work.

- When someone tells you a story about him being exceptionally twatty, you don't giggle and say 'Aaw...'. A quick nod and a serious face should suffice.

- You shouldn't let him catch you following him. If he suspects that you are, you should quicken your pace and walk resolutely past him and toward the nearest exit.

- If he is in close proximity and you find yourself feeling faint, you should pretend that you're suddenly suffering from claustrophobia. Do not faint in front of him in hopes he might notice you.

- When your boss tells you No, you can't use him for your photoshoot...don't look like you're about to cry. If it's too late and your boss notices your eyes welling up, you should break into a coughing fit and tell her how fantastic her decision was before making a quick exit.

- If you're put in a spot and people ask you point blank if he is your object of affection, you shouldn't deny it too strongly. A simple shrug and a disgusted face would throw them off.