Sunday, February 28, 2010

Filed Under Miscellanous

More reasons to avoid local men...

*In the car after dinner* 

SAD (Single, Assholic, Despo) Man: Shall we go to my place?

FSG (Fellow Single Girl): Thanks for dinner but I think I better head home, I'm tired.

SAD Man: But like, I have games in my place. Come over.

FSG: No thanks, I think I better get home, I have to be up early.

SAD Man: Just come for a bit, we can watch TV.

FSG: I don't want to come over to your place.

SAD Man: But, why?

FSG: Look, I'm not going to sleep with you ok?

SAD Man. *in whiny baby voice* But..but...I WANNNNNNNN!!!

*FSG gets out of car*

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

To All The Boys I've Loved Before....

Fantasy husbands and fantasy boyfriends are the best. I mean, I have them to thank for my incredibly warped ideas on the kind of person I should be with. So in ode to their famous fabulous selves, here is a list of the fantastic fantasy hubbies of my past:
In chronological order (teehee)...

1) Ronan Keating 
Years of marriage: 2 years (1996-1998)
 How I proved my love: On top of the list was refusing to talk to my mother for 2 weeks until she caved into taking me to a Boyzone concert. The only time I did talk to her was to scream 'YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!' when she questioned why a stupid boy band was so important. I am also STILL the proud owner of 2 Boyzone Tshirts and a couple of copies of the Boyzone official magazine. 
Reasons for divorce: Boyzone broke up and he became a solo artist asshole. 

2) Joshua Scott Chasez (JC Chasez) 
Years of marriage: 4 years (1998 - 2002) 
Years of eternal love: 12 years (1998 - Current)
How I proved my love: I once wrote an email to JC and accidentally forwarded it to all my cool friends who were quite unaware to the extent of my FANaticism and thought I listened to Radiohead. I've also bought a couple of tops that resemble the type he wore in the 'Its Gonna Be Me' video. On the 8th of August every year I will still secretly wish him a Happy Birthday. On many of my notebooks are scribbled the initials JC of which some of my college mates thought meant I was super religious (JC= Jesus Christ too). 
Reasons for love hiatus: He started wearing yellow PVC pants and grew long greasy curls. I love him back now tho! 

3) Brandon Boyd 
Years of marriage: 2 years (2003-2005)
How I proved my love: In my 3rd year uni room, there was only one poster on the wall - a giant black and white photograph of Mr. Boyd where I liked to think I worshipped at his feet. When a friend of mine showed me a pic of his friend taken with Brandon on the day after I found out I didn't get tickets to an Incubus concert, I wrote him a suicide note saying he'd pushed me over the edge. 
Reasons for divorce: He got together with Carolyn Murphy and I thought, can't compete with that. 

4) Wentworth Miller
Years of Marriage: 3 years (2005 - 2008)
How I proved my love: When Facebook was still a relatively new phenomenon without stupid security features and moderators, I created a Wentworth Miller profile so my status could read 'Married to...Wentworth Miller' - it stayed that way for a whole year before the moderators removed my fake profile (Grrrr)
Reasons for divorce: I found out he was gay. 

There you have it, past husbands of my colourful fantasy love life. Admit it, who was yours?  

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Everything Is Opposite

You know they say that given enough time, you can recover from anything. And when you're in love...or at least when you THINK you're in love, you think this is impossible. You tell yourself you will never be the same, you've changed, the shift in your universe is too huge...that person has made your whole future, past and present a different shade.


You CAN forget. You can become exactly the person you were before THAT one person who damaged you forever.

How? Here's how:

Lose yourself. Lose everything that you knew... and when everything is lost, only collect back the pieces that don't contain scars of him/her.


I came across a remnant of you by chance today and I guess, today of all days, I should've been thinking about you. But today was just like any other day... I laughed, I relaxed, I played with my hair..Today I even watched a love story and you weren't there at all. I tried though, when I held that remnant of you in my palm...I tried to conjure you up in my mind. I tried to feel some pang of regret, or pain even. I tried to remember your laugh,your voice, the way you made it so much better just by being there. I tried to capture that image of you that always made my insides twist. I tried...I really tried. But, nothing. There is nothing left of you in HAH.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Epilogue to Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day this year coincided with Chinese New Year. This has special significance, seeing as it almost never happens and Feb 14th this year meant that more people were celebrating the love they had in their lives. 

In the build up to V-day or S.A.D (Single Awareness Day), there was an abundance of rom-coms on TV and everyone who had anything to say came out of the woodwork to write about why it was so great to be either partnered up or single... 

And it got me thinking, why is it that V-day is always viewed as a celebration of romantic type love only? What about all the other loves in our lives? Are they not warranted at the very least, a cursory raising of a glass too? On Valentine's Day, are we meant to push aside everything else we have in our lives to love and only celebrate our partners or mull solemnly on the lack of?

Love should be celebrated on Valentine's Day. I truly do believe that. It is a day that reminds us that there is after all, something wonderful called Love. But I don't think we should be so rigid as to what kind of Love we are celebrating.

Why is it that single people are meant to suddenly feel ashamed at their lack of having a partner? Or come out in droves defending their choice to be single? Why is that that partnered people have to insist upon themselves to announce their bliss of being in a couple?

This romantic type is not something that may happen to everyone of us. Even those of us who have a partner may still be waiting for it. When will The One turn up? When is someone going to grow into becoming The One? When will The One save me from everyone else?

We've spent so much time waiting. And waiting has made us utterly miserable. Why can't we celebrate our lives and the Love we have in it right now? If we celebrated what we have right now then we wouldn't have to wait at all. 

I don't know...but here's a thought....instead of being single and trying to defend our right to not be in love or being in a relationship and trying to defend your right to be in love...why don't we just celebrate Love? That way, at least I think, we may not miss out on how fantastic our lives actually are right now. 

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Be Open, Be Free

HAHA. I knew this would happen sooner or later:

How to flirt: lessons for women

The PUA (Pick Up Artist) equivalent for women...which basically asserts that we have to have an open, approachable aura if we want men to talk to us. 

Ok. Noted.

Stuff you shouldn't do if you want men to approach you:

1) Come with a gaggle of girlfriends who want to talk about their impending weddings.

2) Hang out with a gaggle of gay-friends and lead the convo by insulting everyone's fashion sense. 

3) Make a disgusted face when a guy looks at you.

4) Make a disgusted face then go on to tell your friends to stare down said guy who looks at you.

5) If a guy says Hi, don't shoo him away with a wave of the hand.

As for men, if you want women to respond to you, please avoid doing THIS:

Guy: Hi girls!

Happsgirl: *shoos guy away with handwave*

FSG: Err, I think this guy wants to talk to us. (to guy) Hi. 

Guy: What are your names?

Happsgirl: I'm Mischa, she's Rachel (aka, Mischa Barton & Rachel Bilson from the O.C.)

Guy: Wow you guys have such nice names!

FSG: Thanks. What's your name?

Guy: I'm RAFFER.

FSG/ Rachel: What?


Happsgirl/Mischa: How do you spell that?

Guy: RAF-FER -  It's spelt R-a-p-h-a-e-l.

Happsgirl/Mischa: Oh, Ra-fah-el

Guy: No, it's RAF-FER. 

FSG/Rachel: Er, I think it's Ra-fah-el.

Guy: Oh, some people pronounce it Ra-fah-el, but for me it's RAF-FER. Call me RAF-FER.

Happsgirl & FSG: ......

Monday, February 8, 2010

Someone To Make Jja Jang Myun

What I've learnt about love from Korean dramas:

1) Love almost always starts off as hate in the beginning.

2) Love is waiting around a lot for the other person.

3) Love involves a lot of fighting over Jja jang myun or Bibimbak.

4) Love is not wanting to hurt the other person.

5) Love is wanting to protect someone from other idiots or hos.

6) Love often blooms from a sticky situation you can't get out of.

These Koreans are so smat.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Another Nutty Post

Korean Beach House on Jeju Island

Alright. Let me just go right ahead and say it. 

I've spent the past 3 days feeling sorry for myself and holing up at home watching Korean love dramas. 

The funny thing about love dramas is that, they suck you into believing that the story is yours. That maybe, you're the one that has lived this. That you want, more than anything else, to have a happy ending. 

And so, in some twisted corny way, I want to live happily ever after in a house by the sea with a handsome, tanned Korean man for whom I can make bibimbap for. 

This is now the new dream. 

But the new dream does not allow for any of reality to seep in. Before, when the dream was a scruffy but posh boy who read books and played the guitar, it allowed for reality. I *could* meet that tall boy who worked in a bookshop.

But I can't meet a handsome Korean model/guy who lives in beach house. Why? Because I would probably have to buy tickets to a Rain concert in Seoul for that to happen. And in any case, the only Korean I know are side dishes to Korean BBQ. Oh and another thing, I look about as Korean as a Swiss roll. 

Life is unfair. I was told to look East for the man of my dreams. I did. But nobody told me the man of my dreams will only exist on the TV screen.