Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Cowering in a Corner

In a conversation with PoPots, I have come to the conclusion that we fear lots. When it comes to mens' appearances, that is.
eg. Popots: I have a general fear of fat men.
Happsgirl: I ran as far as possible when a short man talked to me.

We realise we're being shallow of course, but we also decided that we're not going to be apologetic about it. When I asked around, I realise that almost everyone has a baseless fear when it comes to men's appearances.

There is a fear of bald men...A fear of men with BO (I think this applies to all of us)... The fear of hairy men...Heebie-jeebies around men who are TOO hairless... A fear of skinny men...We fear of overly tall men...Fear of men with big teeth...the fear of sweaty men...Men who have long fingernails make us run a mile...we cower from men with bad breath...and even the fear of beautiful men.

I myself am really put off by short men...I can't understand being attracted to someone who is shorter than me (I'm 5'4). I think 5'4 is seriously the shortest a man can go. When I can see over the top of your head, it sends a chill down my spine. It's like my fear of lizards...completely baseless and irrational but it is no doubt a fear.

I've put down these fears to simple survival code. We don't want to see in our partners or potential partners what we see as flaws in ourselves. I'm short and have always resented that fact. So I cower from shorties and have an imaginary height requirement bar of 5'10.

So fess up, what do you fear?

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Treat 'Em Mean....

I'm going to test out a theory...

So I watched The Ugly Truth today and it suddenly dawned on me that this whole 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' business might actually work both ways.
If there's really any truth in all this, then most men will be intrigued by a woman who does any of the following:

#1 - Refuse to let them buy you a drink. (but then obviously retract at the last second)

#2 - Talk to them for 2 minutes and be really like, into them...then fuck off to the toilet only to return and talk to some other guy.

#3 - Don't even bother giving them your name but give him your own personal nickname.

#4 - If they ask you not to do something, go ahead and do it.
(eg. Guy: Don't smoke so much, it's a bad habit.
You: Light up a cigarette and blow the smoke in his face with a sly grin)

#5 - Call them then hang up suddenly or talk to someone else (preferably a guy) when you're still on the phone with them.

So ladies, what have been your 'mean girl' tactics to lure a guy? HAH.

Friday, September 18, 2009

The Relationship Wish List

It occured to me that it would be really useful if relationships, like weddings or happy holidays came with their very own set of wish lists.
So here it is, the wish list I hope for everytime someone meets someone...

#1 - Date me because you're into me, not because you're lonely and want a gap-filler.

#2 - Date me because you really want to be with me. (Not because your mother pushed you toward me)

#3 - Do not cheat on me. (This includes adding random Japanese Kawa-i girls on your Facebook page and 'liking' each of their skanky pics)

#4 - Trust me. (Unless I'm a real bitch, I probably won't cheat on you before you cheat on me)

#5 - Do not do stuff that makes me think you're dodgy. (Like having secret bank accounts or being a sideline drug dealer)

#6 - Love me enough to want to marry me someday.

#7 - Be nice to my friends and family. (Don't turn me against them or alienate me from them)

#8 - Care enough about me to never want to hurt me even in the smallest way. (Sometimes the smallest insults are the ones that hurt most)

#9 - Respect me enough to be honest with me. (If you're gay, the sooner you tell me the better)

#10 - Be happy with me. (Don't refer to me as the 'gatekeeping bitch' behind my back)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Just Hit Delete

Well, I deleted my profile. I woke up last weekend and decided that enough was enough. And just deleted it. Hawhaw.

Then I decided to hit closer to home and like, signed up on not one but TWO Asian dating websites but the minute I finished my profile and saw my 'Matches' I deleted my profile instantaneously. Good grief.

Maybe I'm not cut out for internet dating after all. Teehee.

Anyway, to all my non-Asian homies out there, Jen Kwok says it best!
Click on the video below ... too funny!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009



I haven't deleted my profile yet. HAWHAW.

I was going to in all seriousness...but then I spied this super duper hot half-British, half-Japanese dude who is a DJ (my weakness) who helps like poor starving African kids (my other weakness). So I stayed on just so I can spy on his beautiful profile a bit longer. Sad I know. But the dude posted up a topless pic of him navigating a yacht. FORSHIZZLE.

Then this morning, I realised he became a 'Fan' of me too! SCORE! BONUS! YIPPIEKAYAY! Cheap thrill galore!!!

Yeah...so I'll delete it this weekend. I mean I can't sign up and Mr.Hot Jap DJ is probably not a subscriber either. Still...he's provided me with my biggest cheap thrill of the week. Nyak.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Not Enough Fans

well, I've decided, after 2 days...to delete my profile from the aforementioned dating website.

sniff sniff.

I got 20 fans and started to get really excited and chuffed but then what happened was, I didn't get anymore fans. So now I'm feeling huffy.

Another reason is that this sneaky dating website needs you to buy at least a monthly subscription to talk to the lovely men who have taken the trouble to message you. Something I can't physically do anyway.

Which is a shame seeing as some of the dudes seem quite lovely.

There was :

Darren - some dude who owns his own publishing house who genuinely sounds pretty lovely. He also looks a bit like Shayne Ward. Score! His only flaw was that he seemed a bit boring and a bit too appreciative of my 'prettiness'.

George - His first message read 'Tea?'...then I didn't reply...so his next message was 'Cake?'..HAHA. Stuff like that cracks me up. Plus his profile said he was once groomed by a monkey. But he wants me to sign up and I can't. And he ain't buying me a subscription (which I cheekily asked for). Oh well.

Old Guy - This dude's message goes ' Wow, you're sassy and stunning! When do you get back from your travels? Let's meet up" and I'm thinking, dude, slow down. So I asked him for a subsciption and he goes 'AM I THE KINDA MAN YOU WANT THOUGH?' To which I replied, I'm very interested.' But that still didn't make him buy me a subscription. Boo.


Late last night I noticed a cute guy who had viewed my profile. I got suitably excited and decided to go through all his photos. On closer inspection, I was CONVINCED he was my ex-housemate JimJam. But this dude was hot and sexy. And my housemate was neither. So I decided to browse his profile and the more I stalked the more convinced I was this dude was JimJam. Everything from the age to the height matched. The biggest question right now is, how did my former housemate become so damn hot? And if it is him, why didn't he bloody add me to his favourites???

More reason to go MIA on the site.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Sold out on Soulmates

Oh Ho Ho Ho...

So here's the update...I totally tried signing up to this dating website but try as I might, every username I picked wasn't available. Which I reckon is a glitch in the system because how can 'happpsssgirl8234' be taken? I mean the probability is like 1 in a 1000000...so yeah, it's not meant to be that I sign up on that site.

So what I did was go back to a trusty site. Although, I had to lie about my location because you don't get clicks if you say you're stuck in a stupid city in a stupid country in the Far East. Unless the dudes are Asian Slut Chasers or...the usual despo Arabs and Indians. Who always message you the same thing " You want be my wife?" or "You sexy. I marry you, yes?"


Anyway, the update is that I've signed on for like less than 24 hours and already I have 13 'Fans' Whoopteedoo. And a couple of messages from dudes who aren't all bad. Seriously! Quite hamsem ok. I shall send pics to Potsie and Prontip for approval.

I gotta say, I'm having fun.
More updates later.kaka.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

To match or not to match

If only I looked like dear ol' Alessandra...

I am contemplating signing up to match.com. I really want to. I've even gone as far as to browse the site and skim the signing up sheet.
Desperate times call for desperate measures you know.

Before I go any further though, I'd like to recall a time when I DID join up to a dating website. The reason I did this was well, I wanted to stalk Baxter. And Baxter signed up for a joke and anything Baxter did at that time, I did. Pah.

So I join up and I get a few random messages. But you can't chat for free on this site and I wasn't about to pay good money to talk to random ugly men. I could do that on the subway.

Then I get this idea...put up a pic of a model and see how many messages I get. So I go browsing through the Storm Models website and pick a photo that looks unprofessional.

I draw on my creative skills to write up a profile and lo and behold! I get around 100 messages in the first hour I sign up! woohoo!
Two guys offer to buy me 'gift memberships' to which I accept graciously and use the membership to chat up other guys.

In one day, my character "Anna" became the most popular profile on the website. Woohoo!

Through "Anna" I do get to 'meet' my share of funny and fantastic people. There was the dude whose every message started with the line "sky's a clear blue today"...there was the stalker dude who wouldn't go away even after I was incredibly rude...and there was the lovely dude who had the funniest messages who turned out to be a serial online dating player.

Sadly my sojourn into becoming a popular online dating character was short lived. My gift subscription expired and I got lazy replying the dozens and dozens of messages I got. I started to feel like the ugly personal assistant to my celebrity alter ego.

There was also the erm...slight mess whereby I chatted up one of my friends as "Anna" and had to come clean to him when he started getting interested in 'her'. Messy.

However!There is a lesson to be learnt here though...since my character was such a hit and had so many men fall in love with her words, I realised that it is not my personality that was the problem, it was my looks.
*sniffly sniffly poo*

And also...err...the other lesson to be learnt is that you might get caught for identity theft. Or unlicensed use of Storm Model pictures. :(

So yeah, do I want to go through all that crap again? hehe. Let's just wait and see!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Till Death Do Us Wrong

So we were exchanging horror stories and I have to say this is the worst:
A friend of a friend had a problem with her *private area* and decided that she needed to go to the doctor to find out if the itch was an STD.

So she goes in for the test and comes back a couple of days later for the results. When she reaches the doctor's office, the doctor is standing there with two police officers. This is when she is informed that there was something in her test results that needed police investigation.

She then gets told that her *itch* is caused by a certain type of worm. *bleurgh* And that worm can only be found in dead bodies.

The question now is, how did a worm from a dead body enter this fine woman's nether regions?
Hence the police being there, because something NASTY must be going on...

What it turned out to be was, this woman's boyfriend worked in a mortuary. And well, he was having a jolly good time with some of these dead bodies. Eww.
And what he did was, bang a corpse, failed to wash his kukuchiao and came back and banged his unfortunate gf.

So the police picked him up for necrophilia.

But the most amazing part about this story is...after the whole incident...the biggest question on the girl's lips was...'Err, I don't know if I should break up with him.'

That's what you call mortally stupid.