Turn Your Head Now Baby

Repost from Potsie:

So apparently not all relationships start with a “will you be my girlfriend?” followed by a hug. How do you know its the starting point if no one pops the question? It’s important cos you’re supposed to get presents every anniversary. Personally, I prefer the type of relationship where you celebrate every month. More presents.

Here are some hints:

1) After the first kiss - Michelle Douglas (2007). His Christmas Angel. Chatswood Aus: Harlequin Mills & Boons

2) After falling into bed (cos they so lustful for each other) – Susan Donovan (2002). Knock Me Off My Feet. New York USA: St Martin’s Press

3) After reading stories to his grandmother - Julia Quinn (2006). It’s In His Kiss. Great Britain: Piatkus Books Ltd

4) After ‘accidentally’ putting his mouth on her boob cos there was a bee sting – Julia Quinn (2006). The Viscount Who Loved Me. Great Britain: Piatkus Books Ltd

‘Accidental’ senarios are good cos that way you can blame it on the accident and not your hiaoness therefore maintaining your sacredness and purity.

Glossary:

Hiaoness - Kegatalan / Horniness

Homemade Meat Balls

Repost from Potsie: 

when i was 5, i thought i’d grow up looking like barbie doll. cos my grandma said so. back then, i didn’t know grandma’s love could be so biased.

when i was 5, i had my first crush. i slow danced with that boy. he proceeded to put his hands into his shorts to scratch his butt. then placed it back on my shoulder.

when i was 13, i thought i’d marry jonathan taylor thomas. i thought we were truly MFEO. i’d memorize his biodata (source: tigerbeat magazine) and discovered we had the same passions. i’d do “are you what JTT is looking for??” quizzes and get all the right answers. my love knew no boundaries. i thought i’d move to US of A and marry him.

i’m now 27 and the day is exceptionally good if i get to pangsai twice. full load, mind you.

Glossary:

MFEO - Made For Each Other

pangsai - poop

The Importance of Poo

It occurred to me that no single woman can be a happy single woman if she does not have other single woman around her to bitch about being single with.

That said I am immensely thankful for the many many girls who have made being single actually look and feel quite cool.

Just a shout out really to name but a few...

Potsie - For understanding the importance of poo. And for demonstrating how big an elephant's dingaling actually is.

Pervy Piscean - For reminding me everytime she sticks her hand down some male model's jeans that being single 'feels' really good.

Kiaks - For showing me that you can make neurotic rants look sexy.

Ms. M & Ms. J - For making me feel like I'm not alone everyday.

Mili - For being the sort of single girl I want to be when I grow up.

But the not so single girls that I know are also worth a mention, they make me feel like I could never really be alone...

Desert Princess - For being the person I would marry had you been born a man. Why? Why? Can't I find a man like you?

Bally - For teaching me about the importance of juggling balls.

Prontip - For teaching me practically everything I know and for not succumbing to peer pressure and becoming my actual lesbo partner. Kaka.

Kachuak & Tek - For being the sort of girls I want to mould myself into because you're the marriageable types.

Panic Fantastique

Potsie sent me an email this morning saying that she had a panic attack last night. It is the age old single girl in her *sniff sniff* late twenties panic attack...the What If I'm Single Forever attack.

It is the kind of realisation that makes us suddenly want to wear more makeup or go to bars and pretend to smoke...or start laughing hysterically at very dull men. It is the kind of attack that well, makes you start a blog to try and remind yourself that being single can be happy too. Hah.

Well, 3 years ago, when I was still in the brighter side of my twenties, I had the attack. It occured to me that if I wanted to meet a nice boy, be with him for a couple of years before we get married, I should be actively start searching for him NOW NOW NOW. Unfortunately that was 3 years ago, and I fell in love with the right boy but at the wrong time and 3 years on, I am still very much single and the panic is starting to rise again.

What you should do when you get the Single-forever Panic Attack (SPA).

# - Think about the nice boys that you know and whether they're single. If they are, time to start thinking if you could be more than friends.

# - Become more sociable and don't turn down invitations to cool parties because you have to wash your hair.

# - Try online dating. (But please be careful)

# - Get a back up. Make a pact with a single good guy friend (gay or not gay) to get married by age whatever if you're both still single.

# - Get another back up. If you don't have any willing male friends, time to ask one of your sorority sisters if they want to share your sorority spinster house.

Use Your Cigarette

I think I am in need of flirting tips. Spending the weekend with Prontip has made me realise that I am useless in the art of flirting. Me and Potsie have decided that if we are going to be any good at it, we must take a master class from Prontip. Here are a few things I've learnt through observation...

1) Use your cigarette - The best opening line ever is 'Have you got a light?'
I have been eternally impressed by the story of the girl who stands at the bar having an unlit ciggy in her hand when a mysterious hand will swoop in from behind her and lights it for her. That's class. I mean once I was reenacting the story and the bartender did the same thing for me but erm, a teenage Indian bartender lighting your ciggy doesn't have the same effect as a Rolexed well cuffed arm swooping in from behind you and wordlessly lighting it, now does it?

2) Use your eyes - Prontip has this magnificent way of looking at a guy and disarming him. I don't think she knows when she's doing it but I have observed and it's a kind of intense yet careless look that makes guys suddenly feel all self-aware and extra macho. I must learn to master this without looking like a maniac.

3) Use your hair but not too much - Playing slightly with your hair is good. Tossing your head around and literally acting like you're at a Metallica concert circa 1992 is not. Must learn to flip n' flirt. Do not keep flipping. Again. must learn to master this without looking like maniac.

4) Use your lips - Slightly pursing your lips and pouting is good. I think Potsie does this well too without even trying. She has luscious lips. Biting your lip slightly is also good. Again, I have not done this very well. Once I was trying the whole biting your lower lip thing to appear cute and my guy friend was like 'Do you have a facial tick?'. Must master without looking like I am retarded.

5) Use your laugh - Guys love it when a girl laughs at their jokes. Guys love it when girls think they're jokers. Guys do not like it when a girl is laughing AT them. Guys don't like girls who think they ARE the joke. Giggling is good. Full bellied laugh until snot comes outta your nose is not. Sarcastic laughter is also not good. Must master this one to full effect. Also don't try to out-funny a guy. They don't like it when you suddenly become the stand up comedy act of the evening. (Repeat last sentence to self).

Good Vibrations

Courtesy of Potsie:
July 19, 2009

Unless you want to send the wrong vibes, please avoid the following:

(1) Invite/suggest/be open to sharing a room with a dude. Even if its on separate mattresses. Even if it means he has to sleep out in the hall with your pet tiger who has a penchant for men.

(2) Ask if you can lean against the dude. Even if you have sudden neck muscle loss. Preferably find a sturdy girlfriend and ask if you can lean on HER shoulder instead.

(3) Say “yes, sure we can meet up”. Even if he is your customer with a huge budget to spend on the exact same products you’re selling.

(4) Smile at him when you walk pass. Even if you’ve spent the last 10 years walking that hallway, passing his cubicle.

With great power comes great responsibility – Stan Lee

How To Spot A Rotten Egg

Courtesy of L-Pots who has been ON FIRE lately. I love this post and I love the person who wrote it more...Here's to spotting the bad from the good.

We don't set out to get heartbroken. Men who have broken us are men we thought were the good stuff. How do we tell the good ones from the bad?

How to detect a rotten egg?

1) First of all, have a set of level headed friends (which I'm thankful for) who will tell you when you go wrong.

2) If you hear of rumours about your possible/future/intended/current man, be wary. Clarifying rumours with him is one thing. Believing his explanation is another.

3) If your friends do not like him and you have to tell yourself that your friends do not know him as well as you do and therefore they misunderstand, be wary. Your popot is doing the thinking here.

4) If he ever uses the line, "I didn't think you needed to know because you would only get paranoid", be wary. It's not for him to decide what you need to know.

5) If you feel inadequate being with him.

6) Do not assume ugly men will make good boyfriends/husbands/partners. Bad men come in all shapes and sizes.

7) If he is forever declaring his love for you in private but not introducing you to his friends - Bad egg.

8) If he feels the need to hide the relationship due to 'circumstances' - Double bad egg.

9) If he has a bad history. 10 girlfriends in less than a year. Watch out. We are not THAT special to change a man. We may be able to clench our popot walls during sex but we don't practise witchcraft, do we?

10) If he says, "I've never felt this way before...". Of course he hasn't. Each relationship is different. Your relationship with your mother is different from your relationship with your father.

I say being single is great. Being in a relationship with a good man is great too. We just need to fish the good ones out.

The Good Crush

Courtesy of Ms. Potsie:

MSN and FB stalked Hun Bun today. I don't even know why I bother.
But what are crushes for if not to make one's heart go doop doop occasionally?

5 reasons why crushes are great:
1) Time filler

2) Heady rush when you ACTUALLY speak to him

3) Crushes are always, always perfect men in our minds.

4) For plots, plots, komplots and more plots.

5) They never ever break your heart.

How To Get Over The Ex 101

1) Block him on Facebook (FB). 

2) Find a rebound. Not quite sure how this works, but most people have testified that it's an efficient tool.

3) Block his number on your phone.

4) Stay on your side of the city.

5) If you do bump into the ex, pretend that you didn't see him/her.

6) Throw every gift out. From lingerie right down to the homemade bookmark.

7) Go out, hang out or sleep.

8) Re-read Maslow's theory.

9) Get involved in joss (jossip = gossip). Distract self from own life.

10) Get a crush. Get many crushes. Get a whole lot of crushes.

- Courtesy of Ms. Potsie -

How To Attract The Wrong Men 101

1. Establish a reputation as a beer drinker. Wrong men tend to look at beer drinking girls as temporary distractions.
2. Listen to overly emo songs and play victim. Wrong men want to be the hero who breaks your heart later.
3. Wear tank tops and mini denims in a corporate environment. If possible, wear CFM shoes. Remember the 'low cut high cut' rule.
4. Insert the occasional 'chow chee bai' in your daily conversations. Or 'pookee cheebye'. Whichever makes you comfortable.
5. Say "Hey hansom, you rock my boat" to strange men.

- Courtesy of FSG (fellow single girl) Potsie -