Sunday, May 23, 2010

Letter To My Younger Self

Dear 19 year old Happsgirl,

If you're doing what I think you're doing right now, I'd like to ask you to STOP right there.

I know you've just picked up the pen and started another 'Dear Someone' letter and started dreaming about everything he is and could be. I know you're making someone perfect up. Someone you're almost entirely sure you'd meet. You've started imagining the fated meeting and the happy ending. I KNOW you're doing PLEASE just stop! I'm here to tell you a few things you might not want to hear but I swear, you'll thank me when you meet me (eventually).

First of all, you need to stop making up the perfect man. I know you imagine him strange, beautiful, kind and with eyes that see you whole. You imagine him to drift on an ocean and find you standing on an island. He will find you, he will see you and he will be impossibly beautiful. Yes, I know what you're already making him out to be. So stop crafting out this imaginary fantastic character right this minute. The more you imagine him, the more impossible he will become.

If you keep this up, you'll end up looking past every single fantastic boy that crosses your path. You'll pick at their flaws. Realise they aren't that imaginary boy and you'll lose them, one by one. That is a sad truth. This is only for your own protection because one day you might very well meet the boy who lives up to the ideal and it will floor you and if you lose him (that is not to say you won't hold on to him) but IF and IF you lose him, you will break. And that will waste a lot of time.

Another thing you need to stop thinking is that in 5 or 10 or 20 years time, you won't be alone. I know, it's a horrible thought. My GOD, how cruel. Not to be getting married at 29 or have kids by 39 or watching your children graduate by 49. But listen carefully, it is VERY possible that you might end up alone. BUT and this is very's going to be OKAY. I'm here to tell you that being alone, is not so bad...if you're prepared for it of course, and this is why I write.

My dear younger self, I wish someone had told me at 19 that Fate might have it so that you may never meet that perfect someone. He may not turn up and hold your hand and pick you up from the rubble. Being alone is a reality and we need to prepare ourselves for it. Start to work on feeling complete all by yourself, don't wait around for that perfect stranger to fill in the empty spaces, be strong, be free and most importantly, be your own woman.

There will be dreams to chase, places to see and plenty of people to care about. You will find yourself happy on many occassions but sadness will be inevitable. The key thing here is, don't wait. Don't waste your time hanging around waiting for the perfect man to show up and save you from whatever it is you're running from. Face your fears, conquer your battles and live not expecting someone to make you happy. Don't be afraid to leap when the opportunity knocks either, find love and give love freely. Don't let those great fun experiences pass you by.

I swear, if someone wrote me a letter like this one when I was your age, it might've saved me a lot of time. But I am here, now, and I look forward to meeting my older self. She might have some good advice...:)

xoxo Current Happsgirl

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Good (or very Bad) Advice...

On receiving a rather big compliment from a rather cute person...I was in the midst of trying to reply a rather nice email when I got stuck. I needed I decided to ask the only readily available person....Pfoooshhh.

Happsgirl: I dunno what to send.

Male Consultant: The question is, is he hot.

Happsgirl: Not bad.

Male Consultant: Then just send it already.

Happsgirl: Yeah, but send WHAT?

Male Consultant: Send the invite...

Happsgirl: What invite?

Male Consultant: To the party!

Happsgirl: ....What party?

Male Consultant: The Par-tay!!

Happsgirl: What PARTY??

Male Consultant: The your PANTS!

Happsgirl: Lord give me strength...

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Compatibility = 48%

I've coined a new term. I am 'mentally married'. That is to say, I am taken. Not like, in real life obviously. But like, in my head, I am no longer available. Tis the folly of finally finding the perfect man. No, I don't mean sort of, kind of, he's a nice guy kinda perfect. I mean, REALLY perfect. As in on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the best of the best, he's a 12 kind of perfect. I mean, checking all the right boxes and then some sort of perfect. Yeah, I actually found him. No, really. HALLELUJAH praise the heavens! He exists! Yes, ladies and gentleman, I am taken. By the perfect man.

How to be 'mentally married' 101:

- Find the Perfect Man (Not an easy feat but achievable)

- Forget that there were any other men before him. (Former Love of Life types are chucked aside like shrubs in a stampede)

- Make sure you convince everyone you are taken.

- When people ask 'Why him?'...give them The List (that is to say, all the points that add up to making him a 12)

- If you are swayed by any other person quickly match them up against the Perfect Man, their shortcomings will make you stay faithful to your Perfect Man.

- Accept that his awesomeness negates the need for his physical presence.

I think I've found the answer to being a truly happy single girl. Get 'mentally married'. Once you are, you'll find that being single isn't actually that difficult.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Twitter Stalking 101

Twitter is evil. It makes you believe that if you follow someone, you might actually be one degree closer to them. Here's how to get the object of your affection to notice you should he have oh, more than 1000 followers.

1) Re-tweet every one of his tweets.Time is of the essence, the faster you retweet, the more chances he might notice your efficiency. Heehee.

2) Mention him in most of your inane tweets (ie. Today I'm going to listen to Jamiroquai..which reminds me of @HotGuy)

3) Reply his tweets if he asks a question, even if you dunno what the hell he's on about.(ie. HotGuy tweets: Hey, anyone know where the gig is on tonight?? You reply: @HotGuy Yah man, it's just down the road, you going?)

4) Follow all the people he follows.

5) Click on any link he posts and start commenting on the tweetphotos or videos he's posted.

Even if your man has 1 million followers, he might start to notice you if you adhere to these 5 simple steps. Let me know if it works!