Thursday, August 6, 2009

The Accidental Boyfriend

So you're single. And a dude you don't mind hanging around with is single too. He has ex issues, you have ex issues too. So you start spending a lot of time together, bitching about the exes, you meet each other's friends, you call him up when you need someone to fix something in your house and he calls you when he needs someone to accompany him grocery shopping. You're super comfortable with this guy, you talk all the time, he understands your neuroses, you forgive him his.

From the outside, you seem just like a couple. But what you're really experiencing is a case of the Accidental Boyfriend.

So what do you do if you find yourself in such a situation? Do you want this dude to be your Real BF? Does he want you? Do you want to start seeing other people but preserve the friendship?
Tricky tricky. But here are a few things you need to keep in mind.

# Keep your eye on the prize - If you're really not into him and into some other dude, then don't shift your focus. Eventually, you'll both start seeing other people, if you're constantly dating other people then it'll be much easier to have a platonic friendship.

# Don't live in denial - If you've started thinking that he could be the one, then he probably is. It's time to come clean.
# Don't be crazy - Don't delude yourself into thinking you're his girlfriend unless he shows signs that he really wants you to be more than his friend. Just because you both behave like an old married couple doesn't mean you're really married.

# Don't deflect - If you realise you've started to have feelings for him, don't cover up by deflecting your feelings onto the next best thing (his best friend, his brother, etc.) This will only confuse him more and you may find yourself in an uncomfortable love triangle.
# Don't jump him - Unless you're both sure you want to become a real couple, don't try to take on the Friends with Benefits situation. If you hang out all the time, you're comfortable, and you're having sex...yet don't want to admit you're in a relationship, you're really in trouble.


  1. Hey - OT question, but I saw your post on the "would you convert" story. You mentioned conversion to Islam is required by law for marriage in your country. What country are you in?

  2. Having an accidental bf sounds like a good option actually... nearly all the perks of a real bf but with none of the drama!

  3. the drama happens when we develop feelings.

  4. hey anonymous,
    hehe. we're in certain parts of the far east. but i rather not reveal exact locations so we can blog more freely? :)

  5. It sucks if you really like someone and wanna have sex but are in the "we don't want anything serious right now" stage (we meaning HIM).