Sunday, January 17, 2010

In The Sky With Diamonds

One of the reasons I started this blog was to remind myself, and others like yourself, that maybe being single isn't so bad. Saying that, I would still like the picket fence and that whole soulmate thing, if it's there for the taking. Unfortunately, with prospects looking bleak, that isn't much of an option at the moment.

In all seriousness, due to the sudden realisation of how old I am getting, I've started wondering about what I would settle for in a bid to not be alone for the rest of my life.

And the answer is this: I wouldn't.

People in all shapes and sizes have encouraged me, at the start of this year to be open to options. "Don't be the stuck up closed off weirdo you always are, Happsgirl...", "Give people a chance Happsgirl." "Please stop having all these high expectations, Happsgirl"...
and I tried...I really did. I started exploring my options. I even tried to give up my crushes in a bid to be open to new prospects. I went to a fortune teller. I started wondering about existing male acquaintances...I questioned myself and what I would want a LOT.

Then it hit me one night while I was reading a magazine and stumbled across a picture I couldn't tear my eyes away from. It was this incredibly normal looking man who painted flowers...and he seemed like the most beautiful thing I've ever come across. What I realised is this:

I'd rather be alone than end up settling on my dreams.

I don't want just anybody. I've made it thus far alright living and being alone. If I can't have what I want, I don't want anything (or anybody) at all.
Call me an idiot but I believe in that one time violent thing that happens to you. I believe in Fate and Serendipity. I believe that Love is supposed to come along and sweep you away. I believe in a beautiful boy who may save me. I believe in someone who will see me completely. I believe in a fantasy.

And people used to be able to say, "Oh, that will never happen...He doesn't exist...You're dreaming of a character"...
And I used to believe them. I used to think that someone who blurred the lines between fantasy and reality didn't exist.

But then I met him.
And sure, he wasn't everything I conjured up in my fantasies. But he was beautiful. And meeting him was sheer chance. And for a splendid moment there, he saw me.

I knew that if he could exist, so could all my other ideals of Love.

So I think I'll pass. Pass on the people who aren't meant for me. Pass on all the people who just
'aren't'. They aren't what I want. It's as simple as.
And if I have to settle for what I don't want, I think I would be happier having nothing.


  1. I agree with you 100%. I also met the person I conjured up in my fantasies. Sure, he didn't have washboard abs, hell, he didn't even work out. But he got me. And he treated me like gold. Although I have no idea why he ended us, in my quest for love, he set the bar high. And although being single is lonely, I refuse to settle for anyone who doesn't make me feel like my ex did...or better. It's rough out there. And being single isn't all it's cracked up to be some days. Sigh.

  2. I applaud you on your determination and persistant on finding the man of your dreams my dear bally! But don't rule out the possiblity that sometimes, we ourselves may not know exactly what we are looking for.
    THe 'perfect man' may end up boring you.
    The 'imperfect man' may end up teaching you new things that you never knew you missed out on, or that you thought u'd need from a man...
    I guess all i'm saying is...don't limit your vision. ;) Love, and 'perfection' comes in all shapes and sizes...and just like a box of chocolates - you think u know exactly what you want. But heck, u might take a bite of a different piece and find out that the creme brulee truffle is way better than that strawberry cream liquer piece you always dreamed of!

  3. sorry for typos and grammars errors i.e 'persistance' etc... typed and posted this in a rush! lol! X

  4. High heel - don't be down on yourself. being single IS hard but being with someone who doesn't make you happy is harder. Having an ex that sets the bar high is a good thing, I least he brought u closer to knowing what you want.

    Bally - Point duly taken. And love the dessert metaphors. kaka. Still, I think I should still limit myself to princes because kissing the frogs have made me really sick. heh.

  5. As someone who has given the benefit of the doubt to several guys (maybe he'll grow on me... maybe he's NOT an arsehole... maybe I could learn to be with someone who is like this and like that... maybe I should give him a chance even though I feel pretty sure he's totally wrong for me.. etc, etc)...

    ...I think your approach and idea is spot on. Why should we waste our lives being hindered from our ultimate split-apart, our partner in life, by these charlatans? I am not wasting my time layaning every single guy who likes me just to be 'nice'. Being nice never got me anywhere, I only ended up being labelled a bitch and a tease. And to think I wasted my time trying to be nice to them! F- that. I got no time for losers.

    I only have time for what I want, and I certainly know what that is... and it is not (insert name of every guy I've met and associated with in the last 12 mths - with the exception of one who has SHINING potential!).

  6. Hey, I've just come across this completely by chance and I think this is the best thing I've read in a long time!! I'll def be reading this from now on- thank you!