Friday, January 29, 2010

Meow Schmeow

I know I may be too young to be a cougar (hey, I'm still on the bright side of least I like to think so) but I really think, when it comes down to it, cougars may have it completely right after all. 

THIS ARTICLE asserts why you shouldn't be ashamed should you be tempted to sample the delights of the younger man(hood). 

Yes. I say this because I found myself consoling a freaked out FSG the other day over her attraction toward a young man over 10 years her junior. I thought to myself, why the hell should she be freaked out? He's nice and he's legal and he likes her. Had this been a 20 yr old woman lusting over a 30 year old man, there would be no problems there. 

Perhaps we are all viewing the cougar analogy wrongly. Perhaps instead of a mean, predatory cat, we should celebrate the cougar for being a majestic, confident and a helluva sexy pussy...

Meowrrr :)

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Massaasshh For You?

Whoever said that money doesn't buy love obviously hasn't stepped foot in South East Asia. 

Anyway, if you're still looking for a man who's got the Gs, here's a run down of things to look out for in a few Asian hunting grounds. 

Singapore: This is the city that gave birth to the SPG (Sarong Party Girls). For men, Singapore is where you should go if you're a) white b) rich and c) into skinny Asian chicks. In Singapore the prevailing sentiment is that expats are the shiny thing at the end of the dark tunnel as local Singaporean men are thought to be losers. So girls, listen up, unless you're an expat yourself, you don't stand a chance of competing with the gazillion other chicks here who want to hook themselves a foreign, rich, handsome man. 

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia: Men here are basically ugly. Saying that, they know that money may just be the only thing that they've got going for them. So if you're looking for a rich, beautiful man to hook up with in Kuala Lumpur, you're in competition with well, the entire single female population. However, if looks aren't really your thing, and you're an attractive woman, this may just be the city du jour to snare yourself a rich man.

Bangkok, Thailand: Unfortunately, this is a city where sex is literally up for sale anywhere you look. The prevailing logic here is that sex could lead to love. Offer enough sex and someone will get hooked enough to take you up for the long term. Ladies, beware of making this your hunting ground... gorgeous as Thai men may be, this may be the only city where they're also your main competition. LadyBoys are very aggressive! 

Jakarta, Indonesia: Well now, Indonesia may have thousands of islands to choose from but remember, Indon men are generally lazy. Which make the women twice as more hardworking than you are. I have heard stories where Indon women are willing to literally wait hand and foot on men just to have the men treat them to dinner. If you've got the metal to do whatever it takes whatever the circumstances to snare a man with the Gs, this is the city for you! 

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Kimchii Ramen

I've found reason to look East when looking for a husband. Next stop: Seoul, Korea. 

Five reasons why Kimchii should be your new favourite food...

Top to Bottom: Daniel Henney, Dennis Oh, Kim Sung Soo, Rain, Oh Ji-Ho

Sunday, January 17, 2010

In The Sky With Diamonds

One of the reasons I started this blog was to remind myself, and others like yourself, that maybe being single isn't so bad. Saying that, I would still like the picket fence and that whole soulmate thing, if it's there for the taking. Unfortunately, with prospects looking bleak, that isn't much of an option at the moment.

In all seriousness, due to the sudden realisation of how old I am getting, I've started wondering about what I would settle for in a bid to not be alone for the rest of my life.

And the answer is this: I wouldn't.

People in all shapes and sizes have encouraged me, at the start of this year to be open to options. "Don't be the stuck up closed off weirdo you always are, Happsgirl...", "Give people a chance Happsgirl." "Please stop having all these high expectations, Happsgirl"...
and I tried...I really did. I started exploring my options. I even tried to give up my crushes in a bid to be open to new prospects. I went to a fortune teller. I started wondering about existing male acquaintances...I questioned myself and what I would want a LOT.

Then it hit me one night while I was reading a magazine and stumbled across a picture I couldn't tear my eyes away from. It was this incredibly normal looking man who painted flowers...and he seemed like the most beautiful thing I've ever come across. What I realised is this:

I'd rather be alone than end up settling on my dreams.

I don't want just anybody. I've made it thus far alright living and being alone. If I can't have what I want, I don't want anything (or anybody) at all.
Call me an idiot but I believe in that one time violent thing that happens to you. I believe in Fate and Serendipity. I believe that Love is supposed to come along and sweep you away. I believe in a beautiful boy who may save me. I believe in someone who will see me completely. I believe in a fantasy.

And people used to be able to say, "Oh, that will never happen...He doesn't exist...You're dreaming of a character"...
And I used to believe them. I used to think that someone who blurred the lines between fantasy and reality didn't exist.

But then I met him.
And sure, he wasn't everything I conjured up in my fantasies. But he was beautiful. And meeting him was sheer chance. And for a splendid moment there, he saw me.

I knew that if he could exist, so could all my other ideals of Love.

So I think I'll pass. Pass on the people who aren't meant for me. Pass on all the people who just
'aren't'. They aren't what I want. It's as simple as.
And if I have to settle for what I don't want, I think I would be happier having nothing.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Bad Honey Orange Mocha Frap


- Pseudo-Crush is no longer a pseudo-crush. Seeing as, he turned out to be, oh, just as VAPID as someone who drives a ******* and calls himself **** ***** and who only dates models can be. 

- My gay husband refuses to go on a date with me. So my status as Hag No.1 is quickly diminishing...

- Ridic has been spotted working out at the gym near my house. Hallelujah! I am not signed up to that gym. Booyah :(

- A male friend told me I'm exactly the kind of girl guys are looking for. Score! But as for himself, he wouldn't date me. Huh?

- Men in general are being super rude to me. 

In of January 2010, men are all idiots. 

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Year of the Gentleman

The lack of true gentlemen in our vicinity has really put a downer on the hope that maybe one day a Prince Charming might come along to sweep us off our feet. 

Seeing as I have recently been in the presence of the ULTIMATE gentleman, Mr. Ne-Yo himself, it got me thinking about all the right things men should do to keep women interested and happy around them. 

- Appreciate our presence. (Just like Ne-Yo regrets leaving his baby girl in the song Fade Into The Background)

- Don't take us for granted. (Ne-Yo makes a list of all the things he took for granted and makes it Part Of The List)

- Don't be rude to us. (Ne-Yo is so polite he offers to be our boyfriend in Single

- Always offer to help. (When you're sad, Ne-Yo offers to take you out for calamari, and asks the sun to stop shining So You Can Cry)

- Pick up the tab once in awhile. (Again, chocolicious Ne-Yo appreciates that a woman can be a Ms. Independent and pay her bills but he can look after her too)

We (my FSGs and I) have decided that since we started off 2010 by witnessing this choco-gentle-man  that 2010 should really be The Year Of The Gentleman. So let's clasp our hands in prayer and hope that this year will bring us fewer assholes more gentle, kind, worthy men. 

Monday, January 4, 2010

Flowers For Me?

The problem with having no good candidates in your life is that you start fantasising about the kind of men that you want. 

Unfortunately, the two men I've started fantasising about are:

1) Brandon Flowers

Problems: He's married. He's a Mormon. He's the frontman of The Killers. He's like super famous. And oh, Bally has called dibs on him ages ago. Tricky, tricky.

But I once wrote him a letter when he was still single and not so famous. Maybe I should send it.

2) Flower-painting Guy

Problems: I only discovered him last night. I've only seen half his face (the pic in the magazine was only side profile :( ). He lives in New York. He is most probably gay. Sniff Sniff. 

Maybe I should send him a letter too. His website has a contact sheet. Yay. 

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Look Toward The East

So anyway...I've been a pretty reliable (and expensive) source that if I was going to have any success with finding a husband, I have to look East.
My list of places to search for potential husbands:

Hong Kong
Middle East

I'm so screwed.