Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Foot in Mouth

let’s say you’ve met a man who you like. and he’s asked for your phone number. you feel warm and fuzzy inside and almost burst when he calls you to ask you out.

when preparing for your date, you feel the excitement and anticipation coursing through your bones. you meet him and he takes you for a nice dinner. over dinner, the both of you engage in conversation.

when the date ends, you feel a stab of disappointment that such potential fizzled out as quickly as it started.

was it because he said any one of these things?

- i usually don’t date girls who look like you. did you know my ex used to be a model? she was in FHM before.

- i hope none of my friends see us here.

- my parents? i don’t really know. haven’t seen them in over three years cos i'm too busy with work and playing WoW.

- i really enjoyed this date, dawn. (but your name’s karen)

- wow, look at the tits on that waitress. c'mere baby! HONKA HONKA!

- so how’s your health lately? did i tell you i work part time as an insurance agent and my company has just introduced these new schemes that i think would be suitable for you.

- oh, you live in the same neighbourhood as me! what a coincidence! anyway, i enjoyed dinner tonight. let me walk you to the bus stop as it's on the way to my car.

- what are you doing for christmas? want to spend it together? (and it’s only july)

- oh dear, i seem to have left my wallet at home (says this while waiter is hovering with the bill)

- my wife and i aren’t divorced yet. we’re just going through a trial separation to see how it is living apart. if we do get divorced, i hope i get custody of our seven kids.

- huh? michael jackson’s dead? since when? i don't really keep up to date with the news.

- oh my god! i totally read the sweet valley series when i was a teenager too! my favourite character is ned wakefield! such a dreamboat!

- what did you eat again? including service charge and GST, you owe me $42.10. but it's okay, just pay me $42.

- is it raining? oh man, i don't want to get my new perm wet!

- i don't usually sleep with women on the first date but for you, i'll make an exception.

- yes, drinks sound like a nice idea. let me call my mom first to let her know cos i'll be staying out past my curfew


  1. Lol! What's wrong with Ned? I totally fancied him man...he was the Uber Dad!

  2. Wow, any guy who says this crap is a realy D-bag. I'm sure I'll have more to add to your list in 2010 now that I'm back on the market. Ugh...