Tuesday, June 23, 2009

How To Tell You're Getting Despo

#1 You've started to believe the FB Quiz that your Celebrity Boyfriend really IS Robert Pattinson and you've devised a long list of reasons on why he really SHOULD be your boyfriend. ( eg. he has messy hair, you have messy hair, he mumbles, you mumble - it's just logical you're MFEO) (Made For Each Other - a term I learnt from Kavana)

#2 You start high-fiving yourself for simply being in the vincinity of attractive older men (even though one of them is like, a cousin and the other is like, your boss)

#3 You've just started a really long letter in your head to the FLOYL (Former Love Of Your Life) detailing to him why he should really dump the German ho and be with you because you loved him first and also that Asian women are more subservient and will ultimately pleasure him more than any stupid kinky German tricks a ho picks up on Eurotrash.

#4 Your friends have started to tell you that you need to go out with someone... ANYONE including a sleazy looking balding doctor with a possible BO problem. (No thankss)

#5 You decide that it's time to message the perfect guy you went on a blind date with (whom you ran away from and haven't contacted since) and tell him that you've publicly announced that he's Perfect. You also panic when he wants to add you on messenger because your profile pic is one of you being felt up by an oiled muscle man.

#6 You've started to consider how to possibly get back in touch with that oiled muscle man. (You also regret not asking him to sling you over his shoulder and take you home with him)

#7 You start to wonder if your gay best friend might consider doing you a little favour by not being gay for one night. Or two. Or maybe possibly just marry you for convenience sake.

#8 You find yourself suddenly being really attracted to Marilyn Manson.

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